Tuesday, May 31, 2005
The Dreaded Day in May - Plus, A Look At My Most Recent Thoughts
Well, folks, he's gone. He left at 13:30 this afternoon. I was strong and didn't bawl like I wanted too. His Mom told me not to cry so that she wouldn't cry. She did well, I couldn't see any tears, but her face was red and getting redder. She probably cried when she got inside the house. (She stayed home while Josh, Josh's Dad, Austin, and Lindsey went down there) I couldn't hold it in once I got in the car. I cried, especially as I watched him drive away, realizing that what I just saw of him would be the last time I see his face in person for two to four weeks. He's coming back for his family reunion on July 25 and he invited me to go, so I'll see him then. I cried about half of the way home.
These tears I shed aren't for me alone. Yes, I'm sad that I won't see him often, but they are more out of proudness of him, but also excitement and anxiety for him. He'll miss me as much as I miss him, but he's a man, and men don't cry...right? Just kidding Josh. I know men cry. It's a manly thing to do. I'd better not get into that.
He's gone, and I can finally move on. Not that I want him to leave or anything, but he has to in order for my anxiety over his leaving to finally dissipate. Yeah, I'll miss him incredibly, but he'll be back to visit, and I can learn to cope with him being more than 20 minutes away. It'll be hard, but after a week or two hopefully I'll adjust and be able to take my summer slowly.
That's my plan for summer. Take it slow. Spend time at home, hang out with friends, finish my schoolwork, just slow down and relax. There were times this past fall when I wanted to just drop everything and stop. I was good and kept my commitments, hoping that I was doing the right thing. I want my summer to be as slow as possible this year. Enjoy every day for what it is, lounging around and drinking lots of Sunkist. My goal this summer is to be bored. To be stuck at the house, friends can't hang out, brothers off doing their own thing, Dad monopolizing the t.v. in the living room, and everything I can think of to do won't seem entertaining. This may sound odd to you, but if you knew how busy and stressed I've been lately, you'd understand.
I'd better go now, but before I do, Brent, the reason I didn't apply myself is because I needed my parent's financial information to do so and I apologize, but I don't know those things...at all. I filled out as much as I could and bugged my parents to do the rest. I know I'm an "adult" now. I did as much as I could. Now I shall go.
Tschüss!
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Well, folks, he's gone. He left at 13:30 this afternoon. I was strong and didn't bawl like I wanted too. His Mom told me not to cry so that she wouldn't cry. She did well, I couldn't see any tears, but her face was red and getting redder. She probably cried when she got inside the house. (She stayed home while Josh, Josh's Dad, Austin, and Lindsey went down there) I couldn't hold it in once I got in the car. I cried, especially as I watched him drive away, realizing that what I just saw of him would be the last time I see his face in person for two to four weeks. He's coming back for his family reunion on July 25 and he invited me to go, so I'll see him then. I cried about half of the way home.
These tears I shed aren't for me alone. Yes, I'm sad that I won't see him often, but they are more out of proudness of him, but also excitement and anxiety for him. He'll miss me as much as I miss him, but he's a man, and men don't cry...right? Just kidding Josh. I know men cry. It's a manly thing to do. I'd better not get into that.
He's gone, and I can finally move on. Not that I want him to leave or anything, but he has to in order for my anxiety over his leaving to finally dissipate. Yeah, I'll miss him incredibly, but he'll be back to visit, and I can learn to cope with him being more than 20 minutes away. It'll be hard, but after a week or two hopefully I'll adjust and be able to take my summer slowly.
That's my plan for summer. Take it slow. Spend time at home, hang out with friends, finish my schoolwork, just slow down and relax. There were times this past fall when I wanted to just drop everything and stop. I was good and kept my commitments, hoping that I was doing the right thing. I want my summer to be as slow as possible this year. Enjoy every day for what it is, lounging around and drinking lots of Sunkist. My goal this summer is to be bored. To be stuck at the house, friends can't hang out, brothers off doing their own thing, Dad monopolizing the t.v. in the living room, and everything I can think of to do won't seem entertaining. This may sound odd to you, but if you knew how busy and stressed I've been lately, you'd understand.
I'd better go now, but before I do, Brent, the reason I didn't apply myself is because I needed my parent's financial information to do so and I apologize, but I don't know those things...at all. I filled out as much as I could and bugged my parents to do the rest. I know I'm an "adult" now. I did as much as I could. Now I shall go.
Tschüss!
Monday, May 30, 2005
The Last Day - Plus, Other Goingson In My Life
Well, folks, this is my last full day with Josh. He leaves tomorrow at noon, and will be gone until the end of July. He'll stay home for a month before he goes back to Austin for school, so that's good. If I didn't have to work on Wednesday, I'd drive down there with him and his family, but the fact of the matter is, I have to work and therefore a trip down there is too much effort. Actually the only reason I'm not going is because my parents won't let me go if I don't bring my Mom or John with me and I'm not taking John and it'd be awkward for everyone if my Mom came down there. That's the only reason I'm not going...I don't mind making myself tired, it doesn't bother me as long as I can sleep in on Thursday. But all that doesn't matter anyways.
These past few weeks have been rough and I know the next few to come will be stressful as well. Getting used to not having Josh 20 minutes away from me will be hard. Getting used to the fact that more than likely I'll never see Tracy again. Life is hard sometimes, you know?
I'm planning on taking Josh to New Braunfels in a couple of weeks and taking him to Schlitterbahn. I went there a lot as a kid and in my mind it is the best water park you can find. Nothing beats the quaint German town surrounding the ever-expanding water park, the historical sights and the beautiful scenery. The original section of the park is my favorite, but there are some good rides in the new parts. I can't wait to take him there. It'll be so much fun!
I'm going to lunch and a movie with Maria on Friday and I can't wait! She's so much fun and for someone I haven't known all that long, I'm really getting close to her. There's something about her that I know I can trust and I know that she cares. She's genuine. I've watched her througout higschool and couldn't ever decide what I thought of her. She was nice, but she was part of the click, so I couldn't ever get to know her. It was kind of weird too, because I'd see her hurting and wanted so badly to help her but I didn't do anything because I figured she wouldn't talk to me. I'd ask her if she was ok and she'd give the whole I'm-saying-yes-just-to-be-polite gig and I'd move on. Now she's more, how should I put this...outgoing? She was outgoing before, but now she is moreso because she is outgoing with everyone. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but it doesn't really matter because I'm writing this for me and not you anyways. Anyhoo, I'm really looking forward to spending time with her and getting to know her better throughout summer and over the next school year. And I can't wait until Friday!
I found out that Josh may be able to start college as a sophomore...that means only three years of school and not four...that would be wonderful!!! Heh. I have my reasons...
I still don't know if I'm going to NCTC in the fall. My Mom said she applied for me, but I haven't gotten anything in the mail and I don't know when she applied because she didn't tell me when she did it. If I don't get in in the fall, I'll just go in spring. Maybe even wait a full year before going. Haven't decided yet. We'll see what happens.
Well, I have to go. Josh's family is going out to dinner. I don't really want to go...I've eaten out so much lately. But they don't have a kitchen - it's being remodeled - so they don't have a choice. I'm grateful to them, yes. Just feel like being at home. Tschüss!
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Well, folks, this is my last full day with Josh. He leaves tomorrow at noon, and will be gone until the end of July. He'll stay home for a month before he goes back to Austin for school, so that's good. If I didn't have to work on Wednesday, I'd drive down there with him and his family, but the fact of the matter is, I have to work and therefore a trip down there is too much effort. Actually the only reason I'm not going is because my parents won't let me go if I don't bring my Mom or John with me and I'm not taking John and it'd be awkward for everyone if my Mom came down there. That's the only reason I'm not going...I don't mind making myself tired, it doesn't bother me as long as I can sleep in on Thursday. But all that doesn't matter anyways.
These past few weeks have been rough and I know the next few to come will be stressful as well. Getting used to not having Josh 20 minutes away from me will be hard. Getting used to the fact that more than likely I'll never see Tracy again. Life is hard sometimes, you know?
I'm planning on taking Josh to New Braunfels in a couple of weeks and taking him to Schlitterbahn. I went there a lot as a kid and in my mind it is the best water park you can find. Nothing beats the quaint German town surrounding the ever-expanding water park, the historical sights and the beautiful scenery. The original section of the park is my favorite, but there are some good rides in the new parts. I can't wait to take him there. It'll be so much fun!
I'm going to lunch and a movie with Maria on Friday and I can't wait! She's so much fun and for someone I haven't known all that long, I'm really getting close to her. There's something about her that I know I can trust and I know that she cares. She's genuine. I've watched her througout higschool and couldn't ever decide what I thought of her. She was nice, but she was part of the click, so I couldn't ever get to know her. It was kind of weird too, because I'd see her hurting and wanted so badly to help her but I didn't do anything because I figured she wouldn't talk to me. I'd ask her if she was ok and she'd give the whole I'm-saying-yes-just-to-be-polite gig and I'd move on. Now she's more, how should I put this...outgoing? She was outgoing before, but now she is moreso because she is outgoing with everyone. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but it doesn't really matter because I'm writing this for me and not you anyways. Anyhoo, I'm really looking forward to spending time with her and getting to know her better throughout summer and over the next school year. And I can't wait until Friday!
I found out that Josh may be able to start college as a sophomore...that means only three years of school and not four...that would be wonderful!!! Heh. I have my reasons...
I still don't know if I'm going to NCTC in the fall. My Mom said she applied for me, but I haven't gotten anything in the mail and I don't know when she applied because she didn't tell me when she did it. If I don't get in in the fall, I'll just go in spring. Maybe even wait a full year before going. Haven't decided yet. We'll see what happens.
Well, I have to go. Josh's family is going out to dinner. I don't really want to go...I've eaten out so much lately. But they don't have a kitchen - it's being remodeled - so they don't have a choice. I'm grateful to them, yes. Just feel like being at home. Tschüss!
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Leaving Me - Plus, "Housework? I Think Not"
Josh is leaving in 6 days. Tracy is leaving me in 9. I'm not sure when my other ex-senior, now college freshman friends are leaving, but I know that they will eventually. I cannot wait until fall so that I can learn to adjust to my life without them. Summer this year will be hectic, with my loved ones leaving and me having to cope, to seeing my other friends before they run off, to getting my own start at college and finishing my own highschool work. I can't wait for the monotony to set in. I need a routine. I don't want my honey to leave me.
My grandparents are coming into town this friday to attend my only college "to-do/celebration" and we have to get the house clean. My Dad's mom is coming in Friday morning and leaving Saturday morning. My Mom's dad and his wife are probably just coming to the reception. The thing is, the house needs to be clean. With my parents and I working, that leaves the boys to do the housework and if you know my brothers, you know what work they do (or lack thereof). William has actually done the most work of the two of them and they both have to be hounded if you want them to do anything at all. Grrness.
I'd better run. I'm going to go take a 30 minute nap before I have to leave for work again. Talk to you all later!
Tschüss!
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Josh is leaving in 6 days. Tracy is leaving me in 9. I'm not sure when my other ex-senior, now college freshman friends are leaving, but I know that they will eventually. I cannot wait until fall so that I can learn to adjust to my life without them. Summer this year will be hectic, with my loved ones leaving and me having to cope, to seeing my other friends before they run off, to getting my own start at college and finishing my own highschool work. I can't wait for the monotony to set in. I need a routine. I don't want my honey to leave me.
My grandparents are coming into town this friday to attend my only college "to-do/celebration" and we have to get the house clean. My Dad's mom is coming in Friday morning and leaving Saturday morning. My Mom's dad and his wife are probably just coming to the reception. The thing is, the house needs to be clean. With my parents and I working, that leaves the boys to do the housework and if you know my brothers, you know what work they do (or lack thereof). William has actually done the most work of the two of them and they both have to be hounded if you want them to do anything at all. Grrness.
I'd better run. I'm going to go take a 30 minute nap before I have to leave for work again. Talk to you all later!
Tschüss!
Monday, May 23, 2005
Senior Speeches - Plus, Maria Came!
Senior speeches yesterday night were interesting. I cried for my dear friends as they gave their speech. I gave my speech fairly early so that my parents could make it. I cried. It was...odd. I knew I'd cry at my friends' but I never expected to cry at mine. Maria came and that made my day. I love Maria.
Sorry this is so short, but I'm not really in the mood to write. I'll talk to you all later.
Tschüss!
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Senior speeches yesterday night were interesting. I cried for my dear friends as they gave their speech. I gave my speech fairly early so that my parents could make it. I cried. It was...odd. I knew I'd cry at my friends' but I never expected to cry at mine. Maria came and that made my day. I love Maria.
Sorry this is so short, but I'm not really in the mood to write. I'll talk to you all later.
Tschüss!
Friday, May 20, 2005
*Girly Squeal* - Plus, The Bestest Man Ever!
Sorry, Josh, but I have to brag on you yet again.
Monday, the day of our anniversary, Josh showed me what he was going to give me for our anniversary, even though it wasn't finished yet. It was a small ovular (word?) diamond set up above an oval of smaller diamonds below it, all set in gold. There were heart holes going around the side of it, and Josh was going to thread a small necklace chain through two of the holes and give it to me then. Well, he took it to a jeweler to see if it was real. The jeweler said basically that it's costume (fake) and that he'd trash the thing. Josh didn't like that idea. Josh had told me all of this and I told him that it didn't matter if it was real or fake to me because I knew it came from him and I love him and that's all that matters. His response was, "Yeah, but I want to get you something real."
Thursday night, last night, I invited him to come to SAPNOT. He did and when he got there, he took me outside to his car. He asked me if I wanted to play a game. He told me to stand there, facing away from his car, with my eyes closed. I made a joke that I was good at this game, even though it's the first time I'd played. After a few minutes, I feel his arms come over my head. "Whatever's on my neck is small - I can hardly feel it!" I thought as Josh latched the clasp. He got it latched and stood back. I asked if I could look, he said yes, and I looked down. A beautiful pink pearl with a small diamond on top hung from a small gold chain attatched to my neck. I gasped, he told me to sit in the car and use the mirror in the visor (it had lights on it - it was getting dark out) to look at it. I couldn't believe my eyes. It looked so beautiful, so small yet charming. So dainty and delicate, yet so me. He asked if I liked it, I said yes without looking at him. He said, "Good! Then you'll like these too." and out he pulled a box, from which he had taken the necklace, with matching earrings and a ring. My breath escaped me. I almost cried. I put the ring on and decided to put the earrings in inside since it was dark and I didn't want to lose one.
I showed Nancy, she squealed a girly squeal, which isn't Nancy at all in some ways. We played DDR and played with the four-week-old kittens. You should have seen the way Josh handled those kittens. Oh my gosh. He handled them more carefully than broken glass. The kittens kept meowing for each other and they all ended up with Josh and I. They all liked sitting on Josh's lap and one by one they fell asleep. He was telling me to talk quieter so the kittens could sleep. He had all five of them asleep on him. It was the most adorable thing ever! When he wanted to get up and play DDR, he gently set them one by one onto the couch, careful not to wake them. They lay there in a huddle, purring as they slept, Josh was leaning beside them, his arms wrapped around them. Nancy told me that Josh was so adorable and Taylor said something along those lines. I said I wanted a picture and Josh chimed in, "On the picture you can put a caption, 'Jesus loves kittens.'" We all erupted in laughter. But we didn't wake the kittens! Lol. I have the most adorable boyfriend on the face of the earth!
I hafta go stuff my graduation invitations (my REAL ones!!!) now, so I'll talk to you schmoes later.
Tschüss!
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Sorry, Josh, but I have to brag on you yet again.
Monday, the day of our anniversary, Josh showed me what he was going to give me for our anniversary, even though it wasn't finished yet. It was a small ovular (word?) diamond set up above an oval of smaller diamonds below it, all set in gold. There were heart holes going around the side of it, and Josh was going to thread a small necklace chain through two of the holes and give it to me then. Well, he took it to a jeweler to see if it was real. The jeweler said basically that it's costume (fake) and that he'd trash the thing. Josh didn't like that idea. Josh had told me all of this and I told him that it didn't matter if it was real or fake to me because I knew it came from him and I love him and that's all that matters. His response was, "Yeah, but I want to get you something real."
Thursday night, last night, I invited him to come to SAPNOT. He did and when he got there, he took me outside to his car. He asked me if I wanted to play a game. He told me to stand there, facing away from his car, with my eyes closed. I made a joke that I was good at this game, even though it's the first time I'd played. After a few minutes, I feel his arms come over my head. "Whatever's on my neck is small - I can hardly feel it!" I thought as Josh latched the clasp. He got it latched and stood back. I asked if I could look, he said yes, and I looked down. A beautiful pink pearl with a small diamond on top hung from a small gold chain attatched to my neck. I gasped, he told me to sit in the car and use the mirror in the visor (it had lights on it - it was getting dark out) to look at it. I couldn't believe my eyes. It looked so beautiful, so small yet charming. So dainty and delicate, yet so me. He asked if I liked it, I said yes without looking at him. He said, "Good! Then you'll like these too." and out he pulled a box, from which he had taken the necklace, with matching earrings and a ring. My breath escaped me. I almost cried. I put the ring on and decided to put the earrings in inside since it was dark and I didn't want to lose one.
I showed Nancy, she squealed a girly squeal, which isn't Nancy at all in some ways. We played DDR and played with the four-week-old kittens. You should have seen the way Josh handled those kittens. Oh my gosh. He handled them more carefully than broken glass. The kittens kept meowing for each other and they all ended up with Josh and I. They all liked sitting on Josh's lap and one by one they fell asleep. He was telling me to talk quieter so the kittens could sleep. He had all five of them asleep on him. It was the most adorable thing ever! When he wanted to get up and play DDR, he gently set them one by one onto the couch, careful not to wake them. They lay there in a huddle, purring as they slept, Josh was leaning beside them, his arms wrapped around them. Nancy told me that Josh was so adorable and Taylor said something along those lines. I said I wanted a picture and Josh chimed in, "On the picture you can put a caption, 'Jesus loves kittens.'" We all erupted in laughter. But we didn't wake the kittens! Lol. I have the most adorable boyfriend on the face of the earth!
I hafta go stuff my graduation invitations (my REAL ones!!!) now, so I'll talk to you schmoes later.
Tschüss!
Thursday, May 19, 2005
About Prom - Plus, My Wardrobe Malfunction
Prom was AMAZING!!! I have the best boyfriend in the world! He picked me up at my house, we took pictures there, then we went to his house and took pictures there. We went to the Grotto for dinner (REALLY good food) and then we went to prom.
Prom was amazing. I'm not a big Mardi Gras fan, but they had everything decorated beautifully! They had good food, or at least it appeared to be, I didn't eat - I was stuffed from dinner. They had a chocolate fountain, which I did partake of, and it was really good. I took pictures of Josh's (and my) friends and have a camera full of pictures.
Dancing was so much fun! Josh is a very good dancer (he said he couldn't dance - bah!) and we danced the place up! While we were dancing my dress broke (one half of the clasp that holds the zipper closed came off), but I had Rachel Forrest and Anna Warren fix it for me. I was good the rest of the night! No more "wardrobe malfunctions!"
We went to a party at FMHS and it was so much fun. Josh and I made wax hands together - he's keeping it at my insistance.
I hafta run to work now. I'd write more, but I don't have time. Talk to you later!
Tschüss!
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Prom was AMAZING!!! I have the best boyfriend in the world! He picked me up at my house, we took pictures there, then we went to his house and took pictures there. We went to the Grotto for dinner (REALLY good food) and then we went to prom.
Prom was amazing. I'm not a big Mardi Gras fan, but they had everything decorated beautifully! They had good food, or at least it appeared to be, I didn't eat - I was stuffed from dinner. They had a chocolate fountain, which I did partake of, and it was really good. I took pictures of Josh's (and my) friends and have a camera full of pictures.
Dancing was so much fun! Josh is a very good dancer (he said he couldn't dance - bah!) and we danced the place up! While we were dancing my dress broke (one half of the clasp that holds the zipper closed came off), but I had Rachel Forrest and Anna Warren fix it for me. I was good the rest of the night! No more "wardrobe malfunctions!"
We went to a party at FMHS and it was so much fun. Josh and I made wax hands together - he's keeping it at my insistance.
I hafta run to work now. I'd write more, but I don't have time. Talk to you later!
Tschüss!
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Ten Days - Plus, Things Will Be Rough
Ten days. I have ten days left with him here. I think I'm going to die. This is going to be hard.
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Ten days. I have ten days left with him here. I think I'm going to die. This is going to be hard.
Monday, May 16, 2005
One Year Ago
One year ago I never saw it coming.
One year ago I couldn't believe it was him.
One year ago I swore I would tell him...eventually.
One year ago my dreams from Middle School came true.
One year ago he got up all his courage.
One year ago he let down his guard.
One year ago the sweetest kiss to touch my lips was given to me.
One year ago we stayed up until 2:00 am.
One year ago we became boyfriend and girlfriend.
One year ago I never saw it coming.
Thank you, Josh, for a wonderful year. I learned so much from you. I have grown because of you, I have matured because of you. I have laughed and I have cried because of you. You show me life through logic's eyes, and even though it isn't always the most comforting, it always intrigues me and teaches me. You show me the life of a very intelligent man and how even really smart people can cut up and be dorks. You give me peace and comfort when I refuse to take it from anyone else. You give me strength when I need it most, you give me your open arms, gentle touch, and listening ears when I'm sad. You talk me through things time and time again, sometimes I'm just being stubborn and refuse to listen. You calm me down when I hype myself up, you make me smile when I insist on being angry. You help me know my God. You fill my life with love, happiness and strength, and I owe you so much for that. Thank you, Josh. I love you so much. Like you said, "One down, many more to go!"
Tschüss!
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One year ago I never saw it coming.
One year ago I couldn't believe it was him.
One year ago I swore I would tell him...eventually.
One year ago my dreams from Middle School came true.
One year ago he got up all his courage.
One year ago he let down his guard.
One year ago the sweetest kiss to touch my lips was given to me.
One year ago we stayed up until 2:00 am.
One year ago we became boyfriend and girlfriend.
One year ago I never saw it coming.
Thank you, Josh, for a wonderful year. I learned so much from you. I have grown because of you, I have matured because of you. I have laughed and I have cried because of you. You show me life through logic's eyes, and even though it isn't always the most comforting, it always intrigues me and teaches me. You show me the life of a very intelligent man and how even really smart people can cut up and be dorks. You give me peace and comfort when I refuse to take it from anyone else. You give me strength when I need it most, you give me your open arms, gentle touch, and listening ears when I'm sad. You talk me through things time and time again, sometimes I'm just being stubborn and refuse to listen. You calm me down when I hype myself up, you make me smile when I insist on being angry. You help me know my God. You fill my life with love, happiness and strength, and I owe you so much for that. Thank you, Josh. I love you so much. Like you said, "One down, many more to go!"
Tschüss!
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Prom - Plus, Short but Sweet
Oh my gosh! Holy cow! Whatever I said about Josh from Evening With the Stars is so insignificant now... He has totally outdone himself this time. He showed up at my house in the most gorgeous suit and tie. His colors were silver and black and they went very well with the boutinnere that I made him...I picked his favorite color rose - Fire and Ice - he loved it. We had a hard time pinning it on though, we (my Mom and I - the ones pinning it on) didn't realize that his pocket was fake. Heh. We got it though, so it's all good.
The dance itself was wonderful. Short, but wonderful.
I'll update more later - breakfast/lunch/dinner/food/dessert/meal is here...and I'm hungry.
Tschuess
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Oh my gosh! Holy cow! Whatever I said about Josh from Evening With the Stars is so insignificant now... He has totally outdone himself this time. He showed up at my house in the most gorgeous suit and tie. His colors were silver and black and they went very well with the boutinnere that I made him...I picked his favorite color rose - Fire and Ice - he loved it. We had a hard time pinning it on though, we (my Mom and I - the ones pinning it on) didn't realize that his pocket was fake. Heh. We got it though, so it's all good.
The dance itself was wonderful. Short, but wonderful.
I'll update more later - breakfast/lunch/dinner/food/dessert/meal is here...and I'm hungry.
Tschuess
Thursday, May 12, 2005
So Excited! - Plus, Making Memories
I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT PROM!!!!! I made a nail appointment yesterday and I can't wait. Lara's going to do my hair. I'm going to buy the perfume I've wanted ever since I smelled it. I'm making Josh's boutonniere. I'm fixing the bow on my dress. I'm hoping that my non-floatiness with my dress (it's a little too short) won't look as dorky as I feel like it does. I can't wait to see him. I can't wait to see the look on his face. I can't wait to dance with him. I am so freaking excited.
And guess what? I'M GETTING REAL GRADUATION INVITATIONS AND A TASSLE AND A DIPLOMA AND MAYBE EVEN A DRESS!!! Heh, I've always wanted them. Even though it's just stuff, it makes me feel a little less left out.
What did you think about my poem? It's the first one I've ever written. It just came to me. I know it sounds wierd, I think it does when people say that, but there's no other way to say it, you know? I hope you like it. I think I'm going to write it in calligraphy and put it on the art wall in church.
I hafta go get ready to leave for work. I get to VA today and tomorrow and that makes me happy. No kennels means happy Julie. Hooray.
Tschüss!
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I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT PROM!!!!! I made a nail appointment yesterday and I can't wait. Lara's going to do my hair. I'm going to buy the perfume I've wanted ever since I smelled it. I'm making Josh's boutonniere. I'm fixing the bow on my dress. I'm hoping that my non-floatiness with my dress (it's a little too short) won't look as dorky as I feel like it does. I can't wait to see him. I can't wait to see the look on his face. I can't wait to dance with him. I am so freaking excited.
And guess what? I'M GETTING REAL GRADUATION INVITATIONS AND A TASSLE AND A DIPLOMA AND MAYBE EVEN A DRESS!!! Heh, I've always wanted them. Even though it's just stuff, it makes me feel a little less left out.
What did you think about my poem? It's the first one I've ever written. It just came to me. I know it sounds wierd, I think it does when people say that, but there's no other way to say it, you know? I hope you like it. I think I'm going to write it in calligraphy and put it on the art wall in church.
I hafta go get ready to leave for work. I get to VA today and tomorrow and that makes me happy. No kennels means happy Julie. Hooray.
Tschüss!
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Random Poem
The rain falls like the flakes in a blizzard.
Tears roll down her cheeks.
The rain comes and no one knows why she hurts so.
So introverted, she keeps her thoughts inside.
She feels like she’s the only one.
The pain she feels will never leave,
The torment, the battle, it will always be…
Or so she believes.
If only she knew how much I care,
If only she knew the love I have for her.
Hot tears run over the dried paths of the tears before,
Renewing her soft, wet cheeks.
The tears dry and become crusted, clinging to her beautiful face.
Then the new ones come, hotter and more bitter than the last.
It hurts me so, to see her suffer, I reach out my hand.
She knows I’m always there, though not always seen.
She wants so desperately to come, but bitterness holds her back.
Why she doesn’t come, I don’t know. I know she loves me.
She knows I’m here, she knows what I’ve done for her.
Days go by, wishing for something to happen.
Finally she lets go.
With her tear-stained face and her glossy, red eyes, she looks at me.
She gets up off her knees and stands.
Pathetic and miserable, she looks down again and walks towards me.
As she leans into my chest, my arms wrap around her.
Fresh, hot tears roll down her already drenched face.
She says, “God, help me.”
I pull her chin up, her eyes fix on mine.
“I’ve got you, baby. There’s no need to worry.”
She finally relaxes and wraps her arms around me.
The rain pours down around us, with no end in sight.
Though everything is still there, all the problems, perils, and such,
She knows she’s safe in my arms.
She lets her guard down and lets me inside.
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The rain falls like the flakes in a blizzard.
Tears roll down her cheeks.
The rain comes and no one knows why she hurts so.
So introverted, she keeps her thoughts inside.
She feels like she’s the only one.
The pain she feels will never leave,
The torment, the battle, it will always be…
Or so she believes.
If only she knew how much I care,
If only she knew the love I have for her.
Hot tears run over the dried paths of the tears before,
Renewing her soft, wet cheeks.
The tears dry and become crusted, clinging to her beautiful face.
Then the new ones come, hotter and more bitter than the last.
It hurts me so, to see her suffer, I reach out my hand.
She knows I’m always there, though not always seen.
She wants so desperately to come, but bitterness holds her back.
Why she doesn’t come, I don’t know. I know she loves me.
She knows I’m here, she knows what I’ve done for her.
Days go by, wishing for something to happen.
Finally she lets go.
With her tear-stained face and her glossy, red eyes, she looks at me.
She gets up off her knees and stands.
Pathetic and miserable, she looks down again and walks towards me.
As she leans into my chest, my arms wrap around her.
Fresh, hot tears roll down her already drenched face.
She says, “God, help me.”
I pull her chin up, her eyes fix on mine.
“I’ve got you, baby. There’s no need to worry.”
She finally relaxes and wraps her arms around me.
The rain pours down around us, with no end in sight.
Though everything is still there, all the problems, perils, and such,
She knows she’s safe in my arms.
She lets her guard down and lets me inside.
Stuff - Plus, Prom's Almost Here!!!
Sorry about that last post - wasn't in the best mood then.
Sunday was so much fun! I sang in all four services on my own mike without my Mom on stage (a first for me). It was great fun. I really enjoyed it. Sunday night's group was small. It was only Chad, Josh, John and I. We went to Arby's. We were going to go see Shaye and her new apartment, but there wouldn't be enough time for Josh to take us back to the church and get home on time if we did, so we just called it a night early.
Monday I stayed home from work because I wasn't feeling good. I was dizzy and nauseated, feeling feverish and having an off and on headache. Mom took my temperature and I was actually under what my normal temp is. My normal temp is average, 98.6. When we took my temp, it was 97.6. I stayed awake for a while, hoping that the feelings would go away. They didn't, so I called work and told them I wouldn't be in for the day. I went back to sleep at 6:30, woke up and called work at 7:30, went back to sleep, and didn't wake until 4:30 when Josh called after school. I haven't slept that long since I was a newborn. Even in midschool when I had been up for 36+ hours, I still only slept for 9. I feel better now, though, and plan on going to work Wednesday morning as scheduled.
Prom is this weekend and I am so pumped about it! It's going to be a great, great night! My Saturday is full. From nail appointments to Lara doing my hair, taking pictures, eating dinner, the prom itself, Midnight Madness afterwards, and then church Sunday morning... *whew* This is going to be great! My dress is pretty, my hair's going to be pretty, my face is going to be pretty...I'm going to look like a girl. It's going to be great!!! And there's this perfume that I'm going to get that smells incredible! It's called Amore Amore and it's the most wonderful thing i've ever smelled! And it's really potent, so you only need a little bit when you wear it, making it last a lot longer! So now I'll not only look good, I'll smell good too! Hah, so excited!!!
Monday is a big day too. There's nothing planned for it in particular, but it's a very special day. Monday, May 16th, is Josh's and my one year anniversary, our True Anniversary. I can't believe it's been a year. We've been through a lot, an awful lot. I only hope that this is the first of many years to be put under our belts. *sigh of content* I don't know where I'd be without him. I love him so much.
I found out last night that Sarah really does like me! He actually prefered being with me than anyone else! I'd give him to my Mom and he'd immediately start making noise, and when I walked by, he'd watch me and when I got close enough for him to get on my shoulder, he hopped right over! He he...I like having my bird like me. It makes me even more happier. He he he.
I'd better go now. Got stuff to do around the house. Later days! Tschüss!
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Sorry about that last post - wasn't in the best mood then.
Sunday was so much fun! I sang in all four services on my own mike without my Mom on stage (a first for me). It was great fun. I really enjoyed it. Sunday night's group was small. It was only Chad, Josh, John and I. We went to Arby's. We were going to go see Shaye and her new apartment, but there wouldn't be enough time for Josh to take us back to the church and get home on time if we did, so we just called it a night early.
Monday I stayed home from work because I wasn't feeling good. I was dizzy and nauseated, feeling feverish and having an off and on headache. Mom took my temperature and I was actually under what my normal temp is. My normal temp is average, 98.6. When we took my temp, it was 97.6. I stayed awake for a while, hoping that the feelings would go away. They didn't, so I called work and told them I wouldn't be in for the day. I went back to sleep at 6:30, woke up and called work at 7:30, went back to sleep, and didn't wake until 4:30 when Josh called after school. I haven't slept that long since I was a newborn. Even in midschool when I had been up for 36+ hours, I still only slept for 9. I feel better now, though, and plan on going to work Wednesday morning as scheduled.
Prom is this weekend and I am so pumped about it! It's going to be a great, great night! My Saturday is full. From nail appointments to Lara doing my hair, taking pictures, eating dinner, the prom itself, Midnight Madness afterwards, and then church Sunday morning... *whew* This is going to be great! My dress is pretty, my hair's going to be pretty, my face is going to be pretty...I'm going to look like a girl. It's going to be great!!! And there's this perfume that I'm going to get that smells incredible! It's called Amore Amore and it's the most wonderful thing i've ever smelled! And it's really potent, so you only need a little bit when you wear it, making it last a lot longer! So now I'll not only look good, I'll smell good too! Hah, so excited!!!
Monday is a big day too. There's nothing planned for it in particular, but it's a very special day. Monday, May 16th, is Josh's and my one year anniversary, our True Anniversary. I can't believe it's been a year. We've been through a lot, an awful lot. I only hope that this is the first of many years to be put under our belts. *sigh of content* I don't know where I'd be without him. I love him so much.
I found out last night that Sarah really does like me! He actually prefered being with me than anyone else! I'd give him to my Mom and he'd immediately start making noise, and when I walked by, he'd watch me and when I got close enough for him to get on my shoulder, he hopped right over! He he...I like having my bird like me. It makes me even more happier. He he he.
I'd better go now. Got stuff to do around the house. Later days! Tschüss!
Saturday, May 07, 2005
So It's Been A Week - Plus, Quit Complaining
Don't really feel like talking right now. Things were going fine, then my mother ruined it all. Again.
Bitterness.
Now you can't complain that I haven't updated.
Tschüss.
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Don't really feel like talking right now. Things were going fine, then my mother ruined it all. Again.
Bitterness.
Now you can't complain that I haven't updated.
Tschüss.
