Saturday, January 29, 2005
*Girly Squeal* - Plus, It's Great To Be Loved
HE TOOK ME BACK!!! *girly squeal* I was 99% sure that he would, but one never knows these things for sure, right? Oh my gosh! I am so wonderfully giddy!
That's really my big news. I helped Nathan and Kim move today - that was great fun! Lara and I put all the kitchen stuff away while Steve-O, Seanathan, Shawn, Brian, and Nathan put other stuff away. Oh, and Lara and I made Nathan's bed, too. While in the process of making the bed Lara asked me, "Did you ever think you would ever be making Nathan's bed?" I've known this guy since midschool - never once did I picture myself making his bed for him. Ha. It was a fun adventure, helping Nathan move and cleaning the baseboards for Kim.
Not much else to say - it was odd the way Seanathan didn't like, look at me or talk to me if at all possible. Huh...
Anyhoo, that was my day. I'm going out with Josh tomorrow after church in the morning. It feels great to be back - I love him so much. Talk to you all later.
*walks off stage with a huge grin on face, daydreaming and reminiscing*
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HE TOOK ME BACK!!! *girly squeal* I was 99% sure that he would, but one never knows these things for sure, right? Oh my gosh! I am so wonderfully giddy!
That's really my big news. I helped Nathan and Kim move today - that was great fun! Lara and I put all the kitchen stuff away while Steve-O, Seanathan, Shawn, Brian, and Nathan put other stuff away. Oh, and Lara and I made Nathan's bed, too. While in the process of making the bed Lara asked me, "Did you ever think you would ever be making Nathan's bed?" I've known this guy since midschool - never once did I picture myself making his bed for him. Ha. It was a fun adventure, helping Nathan move and cleaning the baseboards for Kim.
Not much else to say - it was odd the way Seanathan didn't like, look at me or talk to me if at all possible. Huh...
Anyhoo, that was my day. I'm going out with Josh tomorrow after church in the morning. It feels great to be back - I love him so much. Talk to you all later.
*walks off stage with a huge grin on face, daydreaming and reminiscing*
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Anticipation - Plus, *sigh of content*
For now, life is grand. My happiness hangs in the balance, hinging on one single night, one single moment. As this moment grows closer, I get more and more nervous. I'm 99% sure what the outcome will be, but that 1% is nagging at me like none other. I will, of course, inform you of the outcome, perhaps on Saturday (the day after this will take place). I also found out something that he did a few weeks ago. He was tested, a hot girl came up to him and asked him to the movies. His response was, "No, I'm very happy with my girlfriend. I love her." *heart, melt, floor, bucket, mop, needed!* Yeah, needless to say, it took me a while before I was able to breathe again. I now dub him the most romantic creature on the face of the earth, and if any of you wants to argue with me, most of you know where I live, so get over here and we'll take it outside. *sigh of content* The 99% side is overbearing the 1% right now.
I'm in the process of cleaning my room (for those of you that have seen my room, it's quite a chore) and I got my first goal accomplished! I'm so proud of myself - I've even got schoolwork done on top of that! Woot!
Well, I need to go make lunch for my brothers, so I'll talk to you later. Einen schönen tag noch!
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For now, life is grand. My happiness hangs in the balance, hinging on one single night, one single moment. As this moment grows closer, I get more and more nervous. I'm 99% sure what the outcome will be, but that 1% is nagging at me like none other. I will, of course, inform you of the outcome, perhaps on Saturday (the day after this will take place). I also found out something that he did a few weeks ago. He was tested, a hot girl came up to him and asked him to the movies. His response was, "No, I'm very happy with my girlfriend. I love her." *heart, melt, floor, bucket, mop, needed!* Yeah, needless to say, it took me a while before I was able to breathe again. I now dub him the most romantic creature on the face of the earth, and if any of you wants to argue with me, most of you know where I live, so get over here and we'll take it outside. *sigh of content* The 99% side is overbearing the 1% right now.
I'm in the process of cleaning my room (for those of you that have seen my room, it's quite a chore) and I got my first goal accomplished! I'm so proud of myself - I've even got schoolwork done on top of that! Woot!
Well, I need to go make lunch for my brothers, so I'll talk to you later. Einen schönen tag noch!
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Fun Times - Plus, Teacher?
Today was a good day.
I finished making my curtains today - got 'em hung up and everything! I made them out of a bedsheet. I had so much fun making them and learning sewing techniques and stuff. It was great. Y'all should come over and see them.
It was weird not seeing Josh at church. He had homework I think. Can't wait to see him on Friday.
Seanathan was kind of down today. We talked for a little while while "our group" was at Kentucky Fried Bell (KFB for short)/Chicken Bell (whichever you prefer). I hope I made him feel better. He seemed happier at the end of the night, so that's good.
We may have to change our Thursday night Bible study. Seanathan won't be able to be there if we don't change it and he wants me to take over. I don't mind taking over and it'll be good for me, it'll teach me and stretch me, things that I need and would be good for me. So yeah. That'll be fun.
Well, I'll see you folks later!
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Today was a good day.
I finished making my curtains today - got 'em hung up and everything! I made them out of a bedsheet. I had so much fun making them and learning sewing techniques and stuff. It was great. Y'all should come over and see them.
It was weird not seeing Josh at church. He had homework I think. Can't wait to see him on Friday.
Seanathan was kind of down today. We talked for a little while while "our group" was at Kentucky Fried Bell (KFB for short)/Chicken Bell (whichever you prefer). I hope I made him feel better. He seemed happier at the end of the night, so that's good.
We may have to change our Thursday night Bible study. Seanathan won't be able to be there if we don't change it and he wants me to take over. I don't mind taking over and it'll be good for me, it'll teach me and stretch me, things that I need and would be good for me. So yeah. That'll be fun.
Well, I'll see you folks later!
Friday, January 21, 2005
Greatness! - Plus, Who Is the Holy Spirit?
Last night was great! We talked about the Holy Spirit, looking at a few different passages to see what He does for us. These are the notes I took:
-God=Speaker of the Word
Jesus=Deliverer of the Word
Spirit=Interpreter of the Word
~1 Timothy 4:1
"Now the Holy Spirit tells us clearly that in the last times some will turn away from what we believe; they will follow lying spirits and teachings that come from demons."
-The Holy Spirit warns us
~Romans 8:26
"And the Holy Sprirt helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words."
-The Holy Spirit helps us, he intercedes for us
~Acts 5:1-10 (focus verses 5:3-4)
"There was also a man named Ananias (an-un-eye-us) who, with his wife Sapphira, sold some property. He brought part of the money to the apostles, but he claimed it was the full amount. His wife had agreed to this deception. Then Peter said 'Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart? You lied to the Holy Spirit, and you kept some of the money for yourself. The property was yours to sell or not sell, as you wished. And after selling it, the money was yours to give away. How could you do a thing like this? You weren't lying to us but to God.' as soon as Ananias heard these words, he fell to the floor and died. Everyone who heard about it was terrified. Then some young men wrapped him in a sheet and took him out and buried him. About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. Peter asked her, 'Was this the price you and your husband received for your land?' 'Yes,' she replied, 'that was the price.' And Peter said, 'How could the two of you even think of doing a thing like this--conspiring together to test the Spirit of the Lord? Just outside that door art the young men who buried your husband, and they will carry you out, too.' Instantly, she fell to the floor and died. When the young men came in and saw that she was dead, they carried her out and buried her beside her husband. Great fear gripped the entire church and all others who heard what had happened."
-The Holy Spirit is just (I didn't really understand this one)
~Psalm 139:7
"I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence!"
-We cannot escape from the Holy Spirit
~1 Corinthians 2:10-11
"But we know these things because God has revealed them to us by His Spirit, and His Spirit searches out everything and shows us even God's deep secrets. No one can know what anyone else is really thinking except that person alone, and no one can know God's thoughts ekcept God's own Spirit."
-The Holy Spirit tells us God's secrets, God talks to Him, He talks to us
~John 16:5-15
"But now I am going away to the one who sent me, and none of you has asked me where I am going. Instead, you are very sad. But it is actually best for you that I go away, because if I don't, the Counselor won't come. If I do go away, he will come because I will send him to you. And when he comes, he will convince the world of its sin, and of God's righteousness, and of the coming judgment. The world's sin is unbelief in me. Righteousness is available because I go to the Father, and you will see me no more. Judgment will come because the prince of this world has already been judged. Oh, there is so much more I want to tell you, but you can't bear it now. When the Spirit of truth comes he will guide you into all truth. He will not be presenting his own ideas; he will be telling you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future. He will bring me glory by revealing to you whatever he receives from me. All that the Father has is mine; this is what I mean when I say that the Spirit will reveal to you whatever he receives from me."
-The Holy Spirit is our counselor, our truth, he speaks only what God tells Him and then tells us.
~Titus 3:5
"He saved us, not because of the good things we did, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins and gave us a new life through the Holy Spirit."
-The Holy Spirit regenerates us, He gives us a spritual bath if you will. He gives us new life.
That's what I got out of it anyway. Next week we're going to be looking at what Galatians and Ephesians has to say about Him. This is going to be fun.
Ok, so yeah. Can't wait until Thursday.
Lunch with Julie has been postponed. We're going to have breakfast tomorrow instead.
That's really all I have to say. Later!
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Last night was great! We talked about the Holy Spirit, looking at a few different passages to see what He does for us. These are the notes I took:
-God=Speaker of the Word
Jesus=Deliverer of the Word
Spirit=Interpreter of the Word
~1 Timothy 4:1
"Now the Holy Spirit tells us clearly that in the last times some will turn away from what we believe; they will follow lying spirits and teachings that come from demons."
-The Holy Spirit warns us
~Romans 8:26
"And the Holy Sprirt helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words."
-The Holy Spirit helps us, he intercedes for us
~Acts 5:1-10 (focus verses 5:3-4)
"There was also a man named Ananias (an-un-eye-us) who, with his wife Sapphira, sold some property. He brought part of the money to the apostles, but he claimed it was the full amount. His wife had agreed to this deception. Then Peter said 'Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart? You lied to the Holy Spirit, and you kept some of the money for yourself. The property was yours to sell or not sell, as you wished. And after selling it, the money was yours to give away. How could you do a thing like this? You weren't lying to us but to God.' as soon as Ananias heard these words, he fell to the floor and died. Everyone who heard about it was terrified. Then some young men wrapped him in a sheet and took him out and buried him. About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. Peter asked her, 'Was this the price you and your husband received for your land?' 'Yes,' she replied, 'that was the price.' And Peter said, 'How could the two of you even think of doing a thing like this--conspiring together to test the Spirit of the Lord? Just outside that door art the young men who buried your husband, and they will carry you out, too.' Instantly, she fell to the floor and died. When the young men came in and saw that she was dead, they carried her out and buried her beside her husband. Great fear gripped the entire church and all others who heard what had happened."
-The Holy Spirit is just (I didn't really understand this one)
~Psalm 139:7
"I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence!"
-We cannot escape from the Holy Spirit
~1 Corinthians 2:10-11
"But we know these things because God has revealed them to us by His Spirit, and His Spirit searches out everything and shows us even God's deep secrets. No one can know what anyone else is really thinking except that person alone, and no one can know God's thoughts ekcept God's own Spirit."
-The Holy Spirit tells us God's secrets, God talks to Him, He talks to us
~John 16:5-15
"But now I am going away to the one who sent me, and none of you has asked me where I am going. Instead, you are very sad. But it is actually best for you that I go away, because if I don't, the Counselor won't come. If I do go away, he will come because I will send him to you. And when he comes, he will convince the world of its sin, and of God's righteousness, and of the coming judgment. The world's sin is unbelief in me. Righteousness is available because I go to the Father, and you will see me no more. Judgment will come because the prince of this world has already been judged. Oh, there is so much more I want to tell you, but you can't bear it now. When the Spirit of truth comes he will guide you into all truth. He will not be presenting his own ideas; he will be telling you what he has heard. He will tell you about the future. He will bring me glory by revealing to you whatever he receives from me. All that the Father has is mine; this is what I mean when I say that the Spirit will reveal to you whatever he receives from me."
-The Holy Spirit is our counselor, our truth, he speaks only what God tells Him and then tells us.
~Titus 3:5
"He saved us, not because of the good things we did, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins and gave us a new life through the Holy Spirit."
-The Holy Spirit regenerates us, He gives us a spritual bath if you will. He gives us new life.
That's what I got out of it anyway. Next week we're going to be looking at what Galatians and Ephesians has to say about Him. This is going to be fun.
Ok, so yeah. Can't wait until Thursday.
Lunch with Julie has been postponed. We're going to have breakfast tomorrow instead.
That's really all I have to say. Later!
Thursday, January 20, 2005
Bible Study - Plus, Oh, Brother!
Last night at Bible study was great. Only 10 of us showed up, so we got to have a little more opportunity to give answers and learn a little more through rabbit trails and whatnot. It was fun, I enjoyed myself thoroughly.
I'm so pumped about Bible study tonight! I can't wait!!! We're going to study the Holy Spirit, try and figure out exactly what it is that He does and why He's downplayed so often in Christian circles. It's almost a duo with that little guy there on the side. We want to learn about Him and make it a true trinity. So, yeah. Can't wait.
My personal Bible study has been going great. I've actually opened the Bible and read everyday since I got back from Pine Cove. That has been a real problem for me - not reading the Living Word of God daily. I'm trying to make it a habit and so far it's going great. I'm learning some, finding out cool little tidbits, and fun stuff like that.
I'm still praying and pondering my decision. I have decided that if I still feel this way after a week or two (making two or three weeks of solid praying and pondering), I'll follow my heart and let whatever comes, come. This is advice that I've gotten from people that I've talked to, and after pondering it, it makes the most sense. I had that idea in my mind, but for some reason I feel like I need to be reassured in my thinking, so I'll ask people about it. My brother is behind me, so that really means something.
My brother, though immature sometimes, is the bestest brother in the whole, wide world and I love him to death! He really is a lot more mature than he lets on, he's really good at home (most of the time). Aughk! He's the best! I love him so much!
Ok, enough rambling about my brother. I'll talk to you guys later.
Oh, and go see The Phantom of the Opera - great movie. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it! Oh, and for those of you that have seen it, you could apply Christine's situation to my life somewhat - it's very interesting. Ta!
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Last night at Bible study was great. Only 10 of us showed up, so we got to have a little more opportunity to give answers and learn a little more through rabbit trails and whatnot. It was fun, I enjoyed myself thoroughly.
I'm so pumped about Bible study tonight! I can't wait!!! We're going to study the Holy Spirit, try and figure out exactly what it is that He does and why He's downplayed so often in Christian circles. It's almost a duo with that little guy there on the side. We want to learn about Him and make it a true trinity. So, yeah. Can't wait.
My personal Bible study has been going great. I've actually opened the Bible and read everyday since I got back from Pine Cove. That has been a real problem for me - not reading the Living Word of God daily. I'm trying to make it a habit and so far it's going great. I'm learning some, finding out cool little tidbits, and fun stuff like that.
I'm still praying and pondering my decision. I have decided that if I still feel this way after a week or two (making two or three weeks of solid praying and pondering), I'll follow my heart and let whatever comes, come. This is advice that I've gotten from people that I've talked to, and after pondering it, it makes the most sense. I had that idea in my mind, but for some reason I feel like I need to be reassured in my thinking, so I'll ask people about it. My brother is behind me, so that really means something.
My brother, though immature sometimes, is the bestest brother in the whole, wide world and I love him to death! He really is a lot more mature than he lets on, he's really good at home (most of the time). Aughk! He's the best! I love him so much!
Ok, enough rambling about my brother. I'll talk to you guys later.
Oh, and go see The Phantom of the Opera - great movie. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it! Oh, and for those of you that have seen it, you could apply Christine's situation to my life somewhat - it's very interesting. Ta!
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
The Bestest Day Ever - Plus, Friends Are Awesome
I had the bestest day ever yesterday! I hung out with Josh and talked with him about stuff and whatnot. It was great! I really feel like I'm in line with what God wants me to do - at least for now anyway.
I went to Lara's apartment and had dinner and a movie with her and Kaylah. That was so much fun! Plus they scared me half to death just because they thought it'd be funny - apparently it was because they didn't stop laughing about it for five minutes! Anyhoo, last night with them was great.
I GOT ASKED TO GO TO PROM!!! WOOT! I'm so pumped about it! It's early, I know, but I still can't wait for it! It'll be weird though, being where we were when we started it all. It'll be great though and I have no worries. Josh is amazing and he's a wonderful friend.
Just thought I'd let you know this: GOD IS AMAZING!!! He has helped me grow so much in the past week, learning to trust Him and be content with where I am and what His will is. He's helped me grow closer to Him through Bible study, which for the past two days I've studied the Bible just because I could, not doing a lesson or anything like that - my own personal Bible study; something I haven't done in a good long while (it's actually bad that it's been so long, but that's the saying and I don't want to confuse the few that read this by making it correct to the situation).
I'm going to go see Phantom of the Opera with Nancy tomorrow and I can't wait! I'm so excited about seeing it - it'll be so much fun! Nancy is the greatest, in case you couldn't figure out on your own. She's so wonderful all the time. God, thank you for Nancy!
I gotta go do schoolwork and stuff, so I'll talk to you all later. Ta!
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I had the bestest day ever yesterday! I hung out with Josh and talked with him about stuff and whatnot. It was great! I really feel like I'm in line with what God wants me to do - at least for now anyway.
I went to Lara's apartment and had dinner and a movie with her and Kaylah. That was so much fun! Plus they scared me half to death just because they thought it'd be funny - apparently it was because they didn't stop laughing about it for five minutes! Anyhoo, last night with them was great.
I GOT ASKED TO GO TO PROM!!! WOOT! I'm so pumped about it! It's early, I know, but I still can't wait for it! It'll be weird though, being where we were when we started it all. It'll be great though and I have no worries. Josh is amazing and he's a wonderful friend.
Just thought I'd let you know this: GOD IS AMAZING!!! He has helped me grow so much in the past week, learning to trust Him and be content with where I am and what His will is. He's helped me grow closer to Him through Bible study, which for the past two days I've studied the Bible just because I could, not doing a lesson or anything like that - my own personal Bible study; something I haven't done in a good long while (it's actually bad that it's been so long, but that's the saying and I don't want to confuse the few that read this by making it correct to the situation).
I'm going to go see Phantom of the Opera with Nancy tomorrow and I can't wait! I'm so excited about seeing it - it'll be so much fun! Nancy is the greatest, in case you couldn't figure out on your own. She's so wonderful all the time. God, thank you for Nancy!
I gotta go do schoolwork and stuff, so I'll talk to you all later. Ta!
Monday, January 17, 2005
Pine Cove Rocks - Plus, The Next Week
Pine Cove was wonderful! I had my times of grieving, as to be expected, but overall it was the best weekend at Pine Cove I have ever had! We had random Bible studies all weekend long between my eight friends and I, I learned an awful lot from them. It was great fun.
I'm going to go see Phantom of the Opera with Nancy on Wednesday.
I'm going to the Bible study at Nancy's house on Thursday.
I'm meeting with Julie on Friday - that'll be fun.
I have a few plans for the week and am excited about each and every one of them. There's not really much more for me to say. I love you all!
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Pine Cove was wonderful! I had my times of grieving, as to be expected, but overall it was the best weekend at Pine Cove I have ever had! We had random Bible studies all weekend long between my eight friends and I, I learned an awful lot from them. It was great fun.
I'm going to go see Phantom of the Opera with Nancy on Wednesday.
I'm going to the Bible study at Nancy's house on Thursday.
I'm meeting with Julie on Friday - that'll be fun.
I have a few plans for the week and am excited about each and every one of them. There's not really much more for me to say. I love you all!
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
Tribute To Those Who Care - Plus, Problems Suck
Seanathan, you rock my face off. Thank you for all your help last night - don't know what I would have been like if you hadn't insisted on coming over and talking with me.
Lara, where would I be if you weren't there for me to talk to?
Kaylah, how could I live without your sound advice, multitudes of prayer, and ultimate friendship?
John, what would I do without a brother with as much courage, care, and sincerity as you? It took guts to do what you did and I'm glad you helped me get this train rolling.
The fact of the matter is, it's been a problem that I wouldn't let myself see at first, then as it got bigger, I got more and more worried about it, and now I'm finally dealing with this hurdle. It's race day, I'm at the starting line. The gun will go off at any second. My heart is pounding, adrenaline pumping through my veins, prayers soaring through my mind. Plans are running through my head, plans to run as hard as I can so I can jump over the hurdle. If I don't jump high enough, I crash into the hurdle and get hurt. If I jump over it, even if I land properly, I still get hurt from landing so hard. Either way, I get hurt and I'm preparing myself for it. I'm getting tips from my Coach, He's giving me suggestions. I'm trusting Him, doing what He says will be hard, but it's the only way to land with as little pain as possible. People on the sidelines are watching, waiting for me to overcome this. I'll be a better runner in the end, I'll keep running, but for now, this hurdle is the only thing keeping me from running.
All I can say is, to quote the greatness of Switchfoot, "Life is not what I thought it was 24 hours ago. I'm not who I was twenty-four hours ago." I'll put the song at the bottom.
This is a song, also by Switchfoot, that I have always liked. It always reminded me of Josh, in a good way - it made me think of me riding in his car, listening to this song. Good memories. Now, it feels more applicable than anything else.
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GONE
She told him she'd rather fix her make-up than try to fix what's going on,
But the problem keeps on calling even with the cell phone gone.
She told him that she believes in living bigger than she's living now
But her world keeps spinning backwards and upside-down.
Don't say so long and throw yourself wrong.
Don't spend today away 'cause today will soon be
Gone, like yesterday is gone. Like history is gone.
Just try to prove me wrong and pretend like you're immortal.
She said he said live like no tomorrow. Every day we borrow
Brings us one step closer to the edge. Infinity.
Where's your treasure, where's your hope
If you get the world and lose your soul?
She pretends like, she pretends like she's immortal.
Don't say so long, you're not that far gone.
This could be your big chance to makeup. Today will soon be
Gone, like yesterday is gone. Like history is gone.
The world keeps spinnin' on, you're going, going, gone.
Like summer break is gone. Like Saturday is gone.
Just try to prove me wrong. You pretend like you're immortal.
We are not infinate. We are not permanent. Nothing is immediate.
We're so confident in our accomplishments, look at our decadence.
Gone like Frank Sinatra. Like Elvis and his mom.
Like Al Pacino's cash, nothing lasts in this life.
My highschool dreams are gone, my childhood sweets are gone.
Life is a day that doesn't last for long.
Life is more than money. Time was never money.
Time was never cash. Life is still more than girls.
Life is more than hundred dollar bills and roto-tom frills.
Life is more than fame and rock-and-roll and thrills.
All the riches of the king end up in wills.
We got information in the information age,
But do we know what life is outside of our convenient Lexus cages?
She said he said live like no tomorrow every moment that we borrow
Brings us one step closer to the God who's not short of cash.
Hey Bono, I'm glad you asked. Life is still worth living.
Life is still worth living.
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Here are a couple more songs that have made me think. More Than Fine hit me the other day and I started to questiong what I was striving for. I then realized that I was settling for less than God had in store because I wasn't trusting Him at all.
MORE THAN FINE
When I wake in the morning, I wanna blow into pieces
I want more than just ok, more than just ok
When I'm up with the sunrise, I want more than just blue skies
I want more than just ok, more than just ok
I'm not giving up, I'm not giving up. Not giving up now, not backing down.
More than fine, more than bent on getting by
More than fine, more than just ok
More than fine, more than bent on getting by
More than fine, more than just ok
When I'm met with the sunshine, I want more than just a good time
I want more than just ok, more than just ok
I'm not giving up, not giving up now. I'm not giving up, not selling out.
(chorus)
More than oceans away from the dawn. More than oceans away from the dawn.
More than oceans away from who we are. More than oceans, more than oceans, yeah.
(chorus x2)
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TWENTY-FOUR
Twenty-four oceans. Twenty-four skies.
Twenty-four failures in twenty-four tries.
Twenty-four finds me in twenty-fourth place.
With twenty-four drop-outs at the end of the day.
Life is not what I thought it was twenty-four hours ago.
Still I'm singing, "Spirit take me up in arms with you."
And I'm not who I thought I was twenty-four hours ago.
Still I'm singing, "Spirit take me up in arms with you."
There's twenty-four reasons to admit that I'm wrong,
With all my excuses still twenty-four strong.
You see, I'm not copping out, not copping out,
Not copping out when You're raising the dead in me.
Oh, I am the second man
Oh, I am the second man now.
Oh, I am the second man now
And you're raising these twenty-four voices,
With twenty-four hearts.
And all of my symphonies in twenty-four parts.
But I wanna be one today, centered and true.
I'm singing, "Spirit take me up in arms with you."
You're raising the dead in me
Oh, I am the second man
Oh, I am the second man now
Oh, I am the second man now
And you're raising the dead in me. Yeah.
I wanna see miracles, to see the world change
I wrestled the angel for more than a name
For more than a feeling, for more than a cause.
I'm singing, "Spirit take me up in arms with you."
You're raising the dead in me
Oh, I am the second man
Oh, I am the second man now
Oh, I am the second man now
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Have a great life, everyone. Talk to you all later.
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Seanathan, you rock my face off. Thank you for all your help last night - don't know what I would have been like if you hadn't insisted on coming over and talking with me.
Lara, where would I be if you weren't there for me to talk to?
Kaylah, how could I live without your sound advice, multitudes of prayer, and ultimate friendship?
John, what would I do without a brother with as much courage, care, and sincerity as you? It took guts to do what you did and I'm glad you helped me get this train rolling.
The fact of the matter is, it's been a problem that I wouldn't let myself see at first, then as it got bigger, I got more and more worried about it, and now I'm finally dealing with this hurdle. It's race day, I'm at the starting line. The gun will go off at any second. My heart is pounding, adrenaline pumping through my veins, prayers soaring through my mind. Plans are running through my head, plans to run as hard as I can so I can jump over the hurdle. If I don't jump high enough, I crash into the hurdle and get hurt. If I jump over it, even if I land properly, I still get hurt from landing so hard. Either way, I get hurt and I'm preparing myself for it. I'm getting tips from my Coach, He's giving me suggestions. I'm trusting Him, doing what He says will be hard, but it's the only way to land with as little pain as possible. People on the sidelines are watching, waiting for me to overcome this. I'll be a better runner in the end, I'll keep running, but for now, this hurdle is the only thing keeping me from running.
All I can say is, to quote the greatness of Switchfoot, "Life is not what I thought it was 24 hours ago. I'm not who I was twenty-four hours ago." I'll put the song at the bottom.
This is a song, also by Switchfoot, that I have always liked. It always reminded me of Josh, in a good way - it made me think of me riding in his car, listening to this song. Good memories. Now, it feels more applicable than anything else.
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GONE
She told him she'd rather fix her make-up than try to fix what's going on,
But the problem keeps on calling even with the cell phone gone.
She told him that she believes in living bigger than she's living now
But her world keeps spinning backwards and upside-down.
Don't say so long and throw yourself wrong.
Don't spend today away 'cause today will soon be
Gone, like yesterday is gone. Like history is gone.
Just try to prove me wrong and pretend like you're immortal.
She said he said live like no tomorrow. Every day we borrow
Brings us one step closer to the edge. Infinity.
Where's your treasure, where's your hope
If you get the world and lose your soul?
She pretends like, she pretends like she's immortal.
Don't say so long, you're not that far gone.
This could be your big chance to makeup. Today will soon be
Gone, like yesterday is gone. Like history is gone.
The world keeps spinnin' on, you're going, going, gone.
Like summer break is gone. Like Saturday is gone.
Just try to prove me wrong. You pretend like you're immortal.
We are not infinate. We are not permanent. Nothing is immediate.
We're so confident in our accomplishments, look at our decadence.
Gone like Frank Sinatra. Like Elvis and his mom.
Like Al Pacino's cash, nothing lasts in this life.
My highschool dreams are gone, my childhood sweets are gone.
Life is a day that doesn't last for long.
Life is more than money. Time was never money.
Time was never cash. Life is still more than girls.
Life is more than hundred dollar bills and roto-tom frills.
Life is more than fame and rock-and-roll and thrills.
All the riches of the king end up in wills.
We got information in the information age,
But do we know what life is outside of our convenient Lexus cages?
She said he said live like no tomorrow every moment that we borrow
Brings us one step closer to the God who's not short of cash.
Hey Bono, I'm glad you asked. Life is still worth living.
Life is still worth living.
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Here are a couple more songs that have made me think. More Than Fine hit me the other day and I started to questiong what I was striving for. I then realized that I was settling for less than God had in store because I wasn't trusting Him at all.
MORE THAN FINE
When I wake in the morning, I wanna blow into pieces
I want more than just ok, more than just ok
When I'm up with the sunrise, I want more than just blue skies
I want more than just ok, more than just ok
I'm not giving up, I'm not giving up. Not giving up now, not backing down.
More than fine, more than bent on getting by
More than fine, more than just ok
More than fine, more than bent on getting by
More than fine, more than just ok
When I'm met with the sunshine, I want more than just a good time
I want more than just ok, more than just ok
I'm not giving up, not giving up now. I'm not giving up, not selling out.
(chorus)
More than oceans away from the dawn. More than oceans away from the dawn.
More than oceans away from who we are. More than oceans, more than oceans, yeah.
(chorus x2)
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TWENTY-FOUR
Twenty-four oceans. Twenty-four skies.
Twenty-four failures in twenty-four tries.
Twenty-four finds me in twenty-fourth place.
With twenty-four drop-outs at the end of the day.
Life is not what I thought it was twenty-four hours ago.
Still I'm singing, "Spirit take me up in arms with you."
And I'm not who I thought I was twenty-four hours ago.
Still I'm singing, "Spirit take me up in arms with you."
There's twenty-four reasons to admit that I'm wrong,
With all my excuses still twenty-four strong.
You see, I'm not copping out, not copping out,
Not copping out when You're raising the dead in me.
Oh, I am the second man
Oh, I am the second man now.
Oh, I am the second man now
And you're raising these twenty-four voices,
With twenty-four hearts.
And all of my symphonies in twenty-four parts.
But I wanna be one today, centered and true.
I'm singing, "Spirit take me up in arms with you."
You're raising the dead in me
Oh, I am the second man
Oh, I am the second man now
Oh, I am the second man now
And you're raising the dead in me. Yeah.
I wanna see miracles, to see the world change
I wrestled the angel for more than a name
For more than a feeling, for more than a cause.
I'm singing, "Spirit take me up in arms with you."
You're raising the dead in me
Oh, I am the second man
Oh, I am the second man now
Oh, I am the second man now
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Have a great life, everyone. Talk to you all later.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Interesting Holiday Season - Plus, It Snuck Up On Me
Wow. Holidays this year just haven't been my thing. I wasn't ever in the Christmas spirit this year. In between Christmas and New Year's was good, I suppose. New Year's...Was...interesting.
EEK! The grown-up world is coming at me faster than the speed of light! One more semester and all of us seniors will be done with our highschool days forever. It's a crazy thing to think about. I still have to fill out a FAFSA (financial aid form) and apply to NCTC. I'll more than likely be accepted, though I may have to take a test or two before doing so. We'll see. I don't really want to think about it anymore, I might make myself depressed again.
Josh hurt his Achilles tendon - he's got a doctor's appointment today at 11 to have it checked out. He says he may have torn it, which I'm hoping he's wrong because that would mean surgery and more usage of those accursed crutches. I hope it's nothing serious. I hope it gets better soon. I hate seeing him hurting like that.
I'm supposed to hang out with Seanathan today - we're going to Pancho's! He he he. He likes buffets. And his gay voice. And his EEK! voice. And his surfer voice. He he he.
So, yeah. That's about all I have to say for now. I'll talk to you peoples later. Did you know that people can be a verb?
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Wow. Holidays this year just haven't been my thing. I wasn't ever in the Christmas spirit this year. In between Christmas and New Year's was good, I suppose. New Year's...Was...interesting.
EEK! The grown-up world is coming at me faster than the speed of light! One more semester and all of us seniors will be done with our highschool days forever. It's a crazy thing to think about. I still have to fill out a FAFSA (financial aid form) and apply to NCTC. I'll more than likely be accepted, though I may have to take a test or two before doing so. We'll see. I don't really want to think about it anymore, I might make myself depressed again.
Josh hurt his Achilles tendon - he's got a doctor's appointment today at 11 to have it checked out. He says he may have torn it, which I'm hoping he's wrong because that would mean surgery and more usage of those accursed crutches. I hope it's nothing serious. I hope it gets better soon. I hate seeing him hurting like that.
I'm supposed to hang out with Seanathan today - we're going to Pancho's! He he he. He likes buffets. And his gay voice. And his EEK! voice. And his surfer voice. He he he.
So, yeah. That's about all I have to say for now. I'll talk to you peoples later. Did you know that people can be a verb?
